What does it mean to be Positive?
We’re all predisposed to negative thoughts and feelings
We’re incredibly fortunate to be alive today. The average standard of living for most people has never been better at any time throughout all of human history*. A typical person (in what’s sometimes called the “developed world”) takes for granted a huge selection of things on a daily basis that not even royalty could have hoped for just three hundred years ago.
Our homes are warm and dry all year round. Thanks to modern medicine we can expect to live much longer than even a century ago (around 30 extra years) and we’ll generally enjoy good health throughout our whole life. We have so much ready access to clean drinking water that we use the same supply to flush our toilets and keep our flower gardens looking nice. Not only do we have enough food to eat every day, we have such a mind boggling range of choices that it’s not uncommon to hear someone say “I can’t decide what I feel like eating today”.
All of this is so “normal” that we simply don’t think about it, assuming that it’s just the way things are and how they’ll continue to be. And the best part is that, in general, we’re right. In fact not only are our lives so much better than those of our ancestors; they continue to improve with every year that passes. New breakthroughs in medicine mean that conditions that may have been untreatable or required major surgery as recently as my own childhood, can now be resolved with a couple of weeks of the latest antibiotics. The internet simply didn’t exist before the 1990’s. If you wanted information on a subject, you visited the library and hoped that the book you were looking for hadn’t already been checked out by someone else. Online markets, like Amazon, mean that almost any product, from anywhere in the world, is readily available at a competitive price and can be delivered directly to your door; very often the next day! The list goes on and on.
We have literally never had it so good! So why aren’t we happier?
A somewhat over simplified answer is that outside of modern society, being relaxed and content is a truly awful survival strategy. For most of human history if you weren’t constantly alert to physical threats and wondering where your next meal was going to come from then you were very unlikely to stay alive long enough to reproduce. So we’re “hard-wired” to expect the worst. A predisposition to focus on “bad things”, and to quickly take advantage of, but dismiss, “good things” works really well in an evolutionary sense.
“But that was then and this is now!”, you might say. “I live in a modern society and I honestly can’t remember the last time that someone I know was eaten by a lion. Or even when I was more than just a little hungry.” And you’d be right. But evolution is a slow process and human advancement has been startlingly fast by comparison.
Adopting a Positive approach
While evolution might have saddled us with a poor outlook it has also equipped us with an extraordinary ability to think and to adapt. Often, all it takes to feel happier is a willingness to make a little effort and to pay attention. The difference is that whereas we’re “hard wired” to pay attention to our external environment (hungry lions) we now need to pay more attention to our inner world as well.
When we adopt a Positive approach we choose not to simply accept any negative thoughts and feelings that we may have, as if they are absolute and true. Rather, we become curious about what’s really happening both outside of and within ourselves. This helps us to better align how we feel with the true state of our world. And finally, armed with this clearer view and better information we can take appropriate action.
Want to see how it works? Here’s a 3 minute exercise that might help.
Make sure that you’re sitting comfortably. Take three long, deep breaths. Breathe in for the count of three or four (don’t try to go longer than feels good) and then breathe out again for the same count. If you feel like closing your eyes go right ahead. This is your time.
Now, breathing normally again, take a few moments (about 30 seconds is good) to bring to mind a few things in your life that you feel grateful for. If your mind wanders, don’t worry about it, just recognize that it wandered and come back to the exercise.
The first time you try this exercise you might find it difficult to think of something. So here are a few ideas in case you're struggling.
I slept well last night
The sun is shining and I love sunshine
I’m looking forward to …………… because I’ve never done it before / because it was so much fun last time
This is a really comfortable chair / sofa / beanbag. I hadn’t really noticed that before
I can’t think of a single thing. I’m so glad they gave me this list to get started with
Pizza is my absolute favourite food. Yeah, pizza for dinner!
Wow, I’m relaxed. It feels good to simply pay attention to my breathing
If you need more time that’s absolutely fine.
Got something? Great!
If you came up with a few things, pick just one. It really can be anything at all and it doesn’t matter if it’s big or small or maybe a bit silly. No-one else will ever know. So be free.
Now, take three more of those long, deep, calming breaths.
While letting your breath return to normal, try to form a picture in your mind. See if you can make it even more vivid by adding sounds or smells or maybe how the sunshine feels as it warms your skin. Take however much time you want. Simply enjoy it.
Finally, take a moment to appreciate yourself. You’ve just taken a Positive approach.
This short exercise in mindfulness is one that I really enjoy. It only takes a few minutes and can be done pretty much anywhere and yet I almost always find myself feeling calmer and in a better mood than when I started.
The elements of being Positive
It’s not uncommon for people who try the mindfulness exercise for the first time to feel a little confused afterwards. Nothing seems to have changed and yet they accept that they really do feel better than when they started.
To better understand how it works, let’s break that last sentence down:
Nothing seems to have changed
I really do feel better than when I started
Our natural predisposition towards a negative outlook means that, more often than not, we perceive the world around us as we imagine it to be (through that negative filter) rather than seeing things as they actually are. We wake up, warm and comfortable in bed, and almost immediately start thinking about the challenges we’ll face in the day ahead. Or about what we did yesterday that we now wish we hadn’t done. Or maybe we’re thinking how cold and unpleasant it’s going to be when we finally stand up. Our minds focus on almost anything except the present moment. We’re generally unaware of what’s actually happening, right now.
While it’s a very simple example the mindfulness exercise has all of the elements of the Positive approach.
You made a choice not to simply accept however you were feeling when you started the exercise and brought yourself into the present moment with those three conscious breaths. Being curious, you asked the question “What can I think of that I feel grateful for?” And finally, staying in the present, you took the time to appreciate something that was true for you; and finally not forgetting to appreciate yourself.
It didn’t matter whether whatever you had in mind was rooted in the past, in the present or in the future. If you slept well then that’s what happened; you really did sleep well. If the sun is shining, well, the sun really is shining. And if pizza really is your favourite food then that’s the simple truth. And you really can anticipate enjoying your favourite food later today. The important thing is that it’s true for you; that it’s real.
So what changed? You did! By choosing not to accept that imagined (possibly negative) view of the world, and following that with appropriate action (mindful breathing and conscious reflection) you made a positive change to your perceptions and to how you feel.
Of course life isn’t always going to be as straightforward as this exercise. But whatever our circumstances, whatever challenges and opportunities we’re dealing with, choosing to approach things positively will always increase the probability that we’ll be able to achieve the best possible outcome.
* There are some tragic exceptions to this rule. If you’d like some ideas on ways you might make a difference, please take a moment to read “Help to change the world”.