The journey vs the desination
Sometimes life can feel like a relentless cycle of to-do lists, chores, tests, things to achieve and places to be. From an early age, we’re told to dream big, set ambitious goals, and work tirelessly to achieve them. Success is often framed as a series of milestones—finishing school, landing that dream job, buying a house, starting a family, ticking off experiences on a bucket list. It’s as if these achievements are the ultimate measure of our worth, the proof that we’ve "made it."
But how many times have we heard the stories of people who finally cross the finish line only to feel an unshakeable sense of emptiness, wondering, “Is this it?” Or the ones who keep chasing the next big thing, always thinking that fulfilment lies just over the horizon, only to find it slipping further away. It's a cycle many of us can relate to, and it’s exhausting.
On the other hand, there’s a quieter, often overlooked joy that comes from immersing ourselves in the process—the journey. Whether it’s the small moments of growth, the lessons learned along the way, or simply the beauty of being present, the journey offers something deeper, something richer. It’s not as flashy as reaching a goal, and it doesn’t come with a trophy or applause, but it carries a profound satisfaction that lingers long after the moment has passed.
Let’s take a closer look at the age-old debate of journey versus destination, and explore some of the myths we tell ourselves about success, the stark truths about life’s fleeting nature, and the elusive, sometimes surprising ways we find meaning in our goals.
If I just get …. When I’m able to …. All I need to do is ….
From a young age, we’re often conditioned to think in terms of “if-then” statements:
“If I just get a better job, I’ll be happy.”
“When I’m able to buy my dream house, I’ll feel complete.”
“All I need to do is lose this weight, and my life will fall into place.”
These statements form the backbone of a destination-focused mindset, suggesting that fulfilment lies at the end of a task or acquisition. But is this really the case?
The mirage of “arrival”
The trouble with “if-then” thinking is that it tricks us into believing that happiness and fulfilment are always just around the corner, yet never quite within reach. You know how it goes: If I get that promotion, then I’ll feel successful. If I find the right partner, then I’ll finally be happy. Or even, If I buy that car or house, then everything will fall into place. It’s such a common mindset, yet it often leads us to chase after happiness as if it’s some elusive prize.
Here’s the catch: psychological research, particularly studies on the “hedonic treadmill,” reveals that while achieving goals or acquiring possessions does give us a boost of joy, it’s usually short-lived. It’s like getting a shiny new toy—you’re thrilled at first, but soon enough, the novelty wears off, and you’re looking for the next big thing. The same applies to adult pursuits. You land the dream job, but before long, you’re eyeing the next promotion. You buy the house, but now you’re thinking about renovations or upgrades.
It’s a cycle that keeps us running towards an ever-moving horizon, believing fulfilment is just one more step away. The problem is, that step keeps shifting further, no matter how fast we run.
But there’s good news: when we recognize this pattern, we can start to rethink our approach to happiness. Instead of tying our joy to specific outcomes, we can learn to cultivate it in the here and now—through meaningful relationships, daily gratitude, and appreciating the small joys life offers. After all, true contentment isn’t found in chasing; it’s in being present enough to notice what we’ve already got.
The price of postponing happiness
When we focus solely on the destination, we risk missing out on the small, beautiful moments that make life meaningful. Imagine someone pouring all their energy into achieving a single goal, like retiring early. They might work long hours, constantly prioritizing their career over spending time with loved ones, exploring hobbies, or even taking care of their own health. Each day becomes a stepping stone to that distant dream, but in the process, they forget to savour the journey.
Now picture this: they finally reach the finish line—early retirement! But instead of feeling joy and fulfilment, they’re met with a sense of emptiness. Without meaningful relationships, hobbies to bring them joy, or good health to enjoy their freedom, the dream doesn’t feel as sweet as they imagined.
It’s a reminder that life isn’t just about the big milestones; it’s about the little things along the way. The laughter over dinner with friends, the peaceful moments on a quiet walk, or even the sense of accomplishment from learning something new. These are the moments that make the journey rich and rewarding.
Finding joy in the “now”
One powerful way to shift this mindset is by embracing mindfulness and practising gratitude. These tools help us appreciate the little moments that often get lost in the hustle of chasing big goals. When we focus on the “now” and savour the daily process, life becomes richer, more meaningful, and far more fulfilling.
Have you ever found yourself thinking something like, “I’ll finally feel happy when I get that promotion,” or, “Once I’ve saved enough to buy a house, then I’ll feel settled”?
While it’s natural to look towards the future, if that’s all we do we can miss the beauty of everyday life. What if, instead, we paused to recognise the things that are right in front of us, swans on the water, the smell after a rain shower or a warm cup of tea in your favourite mug.
By shifting our focus, we realise that the journey itself holds just as much value as the destination we’re striving towards. Each step along the way—every challenge, every moment of joy, and even the missteps—contributes to the story we’re creating. It’s a bit like climbing a mountain. Sure, reaching the summit is thrilling, but those moments to stop and take in the view on the way up, to lend a hand to a friend or take a drink of water, they’re just as important.
So, next time you find yourself longing for “someday,” try grounding yourself in today. In the “right now”. Notice the little things and celebrate tiny victories, like finishing a task you’ve been putting off or sharing a laugh with someone you care about. These are often the moments that make life meaningful. Remember, the journey isn’t just the path you take to reach a destination—it’s a destination in itself, rich with experiences that deserve to be treasured.
The truth about life (and death)
Human beings are wired to seek certainty. We like to know where we’re heading and feel in control of the journey. But the biggest truth of life – and perhaps its most humbling – is that nothing is more uncertain, yet more inevitable, than death. Let’s take a moment to reflect on how this awareness shapes the way we navigate our days, our choices, and our relationships.
Life as a finite journey
Life is a gift with an unknown expiry date, and that can feel both exhilarating and daunting. The knowledge that our time is limited often pushes us to strive harder, to pack our days with achievements, and to race toward goals. While that drive can be valuable, it’s also worth asking: Are we too focused on ticking off milestones to truly enjoy the steps in between?
Mary Oliver’s famous question, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” invites us to pause and think differently. What if life isn’t meant to be a race toward accomplishments but a series of moments to treasure, like stitching together pieces of a patchwork quilt? It’s about appreciating the beauty of the fabric, even if some parts feel imperfect.
By seeing life as a journey, we can shift our attention from the rush to "complete" it to savouring its vivid, messy, and sometimes magical details. The destination may matter, but the joy is in how we get there.
Death: the ultimate destination
The idea of death can feel heavy, but it’s also the ultimate equaliser – something that reminds us of our shared humanity. Philosophically speaking, if we all end up in the same place, does it make the concept of “getting somewhere” meaningless? Or does it free us to make the most of the ride?
Instead of fearing death, we might consider reframing it. It’s the one certainty that gives life its urgency and its poignancy. Without the awareness that everything ends, would we truly appreciate the sun rising after a storm, the warmth of a friend’s laughter, or the thrill of a new adventure? Death isn’t just an end; it’s the reason we should fully embrace the now.
Embracing impermanence
Life’s impermanence can feel like a hard truth to accept, but it also carries a liberating wisdom. Many spiritual traditions, like Buddhism, teach that by embracing the fleeting nature of all things, we can let go of unnecessary attachments and live more fully in the present.
If we stop to think about it, it’s clear that nothing – not our achievements, relationships, or struggles – last forever. That might sound sad at first, but it’s also a reminder to value what we have while we have it. Imagine seeing your goals as stepping stones rather than ultimate destinations. Instead of being weighed down by where you think you should be, you can focus on how far you’ve come and the lessons you’ve gathered along the way.
Accepting impermanence doesn’t mean giving up on dreams or dismissing the significance of your choices. It simply helps you understand that life is fluid, unpredictable, and deeply precious. It’s about enjoying the process, staying open to change, and finding gratitude in even the smallest moments.
Life, death, and what lies in between
In the end, life is a paradox – finite yet expansive, fleeting yet rich with potential. Death, while inevitable, is not the story’s end but the backdrop against which we paint the vibrant, messy, beautiful moments of our lives.
So, what does this mean for you? Maybe it’s a gentle nudge to slow down and notice the golden sunlight streaming through your window. Or a reminder to pursue that passion project you’ve been putting off. Or simply an invitation to connect more deeply with the people you love.
Whatever your journey looks like, remember that it’s uniquely yours – and every step, twist, and detour matters. Life isn’t just about arriving; it’s about living.
The slippery nature of “goals”
Having goals can be a great way to help us grow and develop and give us a sense of purpose. But while they can inspire and motivate us, goals can also lead us astray if we’re not careful. Let’s unpack this slippery nature of goals and figure out how to navigate them in a way that feels both fulfilling and balanced.
The duality of goals
Goals can be are a bit of a double-edged sword. On one side, they’re fantastic for giving us a sense of direction. Whether it’s a fitness milestone, a career achievement, or a personal project, goals help us focus and give structure to our efforts. They’re the markers we use to measure our progress and keep us striving for better.
But on the flip side: goals can sometimes become traps. It happens when we let them dominate our mindset to the point that they stop serving us. For instance:
When they’re too rigid: A goal that doesn’t allow for flexibility can feel like a straitjacket. Life is unpredictable, and if your goals don’t leave room for adjustment, they can quickly become burdens instead of motivators.
When they’re tied to self-worth: Ever caught yourself thinking, “I’ll be successful when I achieve this”? This kind of thinking can be dangerous because it puts our self-esteem on a conditional loop, tied to external results.
When they overshadow the process: Goals can make us so laser-focused on the finish line that we forget to enjoy the steps we’re taking to get there. And let’s face it—most of life happens in the “getting there.”
The moving goalpost phenomenon
Have you ever hit a big milestone and felt… underwhelmed? Maybe you’ve thought, “What’s next?” That’s the moving goalpost phenomenon—an all-too-common trap where the satisfaction of achieving something is fleeting because we immediately shift our focus to a bigger, shinier target.
Imagine someone who’s been dreaming of earning a six-figure salary. They finally get there, but instead of celebrating, they start thinking, “Now I need seven figures to really feel accomplished.” It’s too easy to keep chasing the next thing without pausing to appreciate how far we’ve come. The problem isn’t ambition—it’s the way we let it rob us of contentment.
Balancing ambition and contentment
So how can we benefit from setting goals without letting them run our lives? The answer lies in balance. It’s not about giving up on ambition but learning to enjoy the ride and avoid the traps. Here are a few strategies that can help:
Set process-oriented goals: Instead of focusing only on the end result, like “I want to lose 10kg” or “I want to write a novel,” reframe your goal to focus on the journey. For instance, try “I want to eat healthier this week and so that I develop healthier eating habits” or “I want to enjoy writing regularly and will write for at least 20 minutes a day” The emphasis shifts from a one-time win to something sustainable and fulfilling.
Celebrate milestones: Don’t wait until the finish line to celebrate! Every little win—whether it’s a new skill learned, a single good workout, or a well-written chapter—deserves recognition. Milestones are what keep you motivated and happy along the way.
Reassess regularly: Life isn’t static, so your goals shouldn’t be either. Check in with yourself periodically. Is this goal still meaningful? Does it align with where you are right now? If not, it’s okay to pivot. Adapting isn’t quitting—it’s being smart and intentional.
The joy of unexpected paths
One of the most beautiful things about chasing goals is the way life surprises us along the way. Sometimes, while you’re working towards one thing, you’ll stumble upon something even better. Maybe you set out to improve your public speaking skills and end up meeting a mentor who changes your career path. Or maybe your goal to learn a new language leads you to lifelong friendships in another country.
These detours are a reminder that life isn’t just about destinations—it’s about the journey and all the wonderful, unexpected discoveries we make along the way. So, don’t be afraid to pause, look around, and appreciate the path you’re on. If appropriate, change your goals based on the new information. We often find that the greatest rewards were never part of the original plan.
At the end of the day, goals are tools—they’re here to serve you, not the other way around. So set your sights high, but don’t forget to savour the moments and lessons along the way. Because sometimes, the journey is where the magic happens.
Wrapping it up
The debate between journey and destination isn’t about choosing one over the other; it’s about finding harmony. Goals and destinations give us direction, but the journey is where life unfolds. By shifting our focus from “if-then” thinking, embracing the truths of life’s impermanence, and recognising the fluid nature of goals, we can create a life rich with meaning and joy.